Jitters to Anxiety

A few weeks ago I told my husband that all I wanted to do was crawl into a cave and watch Netflix ’till it was time for the birth.  In a way that’s what these past few days have been.  Admittedly our accommodations are quite a bit nicer than a cave, animg_4636d Netflix has instead been a strong dose of HGTV.  But the sentiment is the same.  We’ve hidden from the world in a reality all our own.  We explored a new city, baked cookies, and I’ve been knitting up a storm.  In fact there have been times when I’ve needed to remind myself why we’re here.  Then I catch a glimpse of the car seat in the back of our rental car and I get a hint of jitters.

This morning I woke up and somehow overnight jitters had hatched into full out nerves and anxiety.  Maybe it was prompted by recent conversations with the social workers and lawyer.  Or maybe meeting M yesterday for ice cream pulled me a little closer to reality.  But for whatever reason, today I’ve found it a lot harder to hide from what is about to happen.

Tomorrow’s the day.  Maybe our lives are about to change forever.  Or maybe our world with come crashing down.  Tomorrow’s a big day.  Tonight I’ll keep knitting.

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