A social worker recently told me that every adoption is a roller coaster. Some people have higher highs and lower lows than others, and when you start out you pray for as smooth a ride as possible. Then suddenly your find yourself up at the top, and a moment later cashing down to a lower point than you thought possible. What’s important to remember is that at the end of the ride is your baby.
Our ride thus far has been a jerky one. The journey has been dramatic, unpredictable, and tumultuous. I don’t know if we’re protecting ourselves from future pain, pacing ourselves for a long wait, or if we’ve just been rendered numb after past experiences. But for whatever reason our current situation has been a more even ride. It helps that M (aka possible birthmom #3) is more mature and significantly less dramatic than the first two women we’ve spoken to. Information lacks the overdose of emotion we got before, and getting to know one another is comfortable and simple. It feels like our roller coaster has slowed a bit, at least for now.
That’s not to say there are not smaller highs along the way. Last week M had an ultrasound, and immediately sent us pictures. I’ve found myself staring at them for long periods of time, studying her (yes, HER) tiny features. I take a deep breath and wonder, is this the one? 19 weeks from now, will she be the baby waiting at the end of our roller coaster? Who knows what barrel roles and corkscrews await us between now and then. So for right now I’ll just stare at this picture, and continue to pray.