We May Never Know

Tomorrow it will be three weeks since we first met possible birthmom #2. Today I sent her an e-mail closing the relationship door. It’s been three weeks of emotion, some of the highest highs and equally low lows. There were plenty of moments when I thought this was it. She called the agency, she made multiple appointments with the social worker, and we shared many deep conversations that had me convinced that this was meant to be. But there were just as many moments when I wondered if we would ever be parents. She failed to return the agency’s paperwork, she flaked on every single appointment, and balanced drama with sudden silence. Multiple times I wrote her off, considered the situation over, and set a course to move on. And then suddenly she re-appeared, pulling us up off the ground to another exciting high, just to drop our already bruised emotions yet again.

I will forever wonder what was really happening on the other end of all the texts and phone calls. Is she really a scared pregnant teenager with a dad fighting overseas, a preoccupied mom, and an abusive boyfriend? Or is she a lonely soul seeking attention without a pregnancy to speak of? We will most likely never know for sure, and in the end it doesn’t really matter. We’ve been through an emotional tornado, and I am exhausted.

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