She’s Playing the Field

There was reason to suspect it already, but now we know for sure.  We are not the only couple that this expectant mom is talking to.  She’s “dating” another couple as well.  If I put myself in her shoes, I understand completely.  It’s a huge decision, one that will follow her the rest of her life.  Considering multiple families is an important part of being sure she’s selecting the right one for her, and for her baby.  And she’s still so early in her pregnancy, she should take advantage of the time she has to really take her time with this decision.  When I think logically it makes perfect sense.

But in those moments when I stop thinking and I let myself feel, I am anxious and nervous and a little bit hysterical.  Seeing the words in an e-mail from our social worker left my heart in a ball in the pit of my stomach.  Stop looking, stop evaluating, just pick us already!  I know the baby its self is still quite a ways off, but let’s start planning for it together.  Let’s call this a “match” already!

And then I think back to all the steps we’ve already taken.  The paperwork, processes, and emotional milestones. The advertising that has put everything we have to offer out there to the world.  Someone has noticed!  I can’t forget to hold on to that.  Regardless of what happens next, she did notice us, and someone else will too.

So we keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.  We continue to talk with this expectant mom, but we also continue to polish our profile.  We answer her questions and learn more about her.  We post new pictures to our website and let the agency do its thing.  And above all, we pray.  Because in the end that’s all there is left to do.  With so much you can’t change or control, there comes a point when you run out of things to “do”.  So you put your faith in the process, and pray that one day the right baby, your baby, will find you.  Maybe this woman is our future Birthmom, maybe she’s someone else’s, or maybe she’s a future parent herself.  I can’t forget that our baby is out there somewhere, and eventually she or he will find its way into our arms.