Monthly Archives: April 2016

She’s Playing the Field

There was reason to suspect it already, but now we know for sure.  We are not the only couple that this expectant mom is talking to.  She’s “dating” another couple as well.  If I put myself in her shoes, I understand completely.  It’s a huge decision, one that will follow her the rest of her life.  Considering multiple families is an important part of being sure she’s selecting the right one for her, and for her baby.  And she’s still so early in her pregnancy, she should take advantage of the time she has to really take her time with this decision.  When I think logically it makes perfect sense.

But in those moments when I stop thinking and I let myself feel, I am anxious and nervous and a little bit hysterical.  Seeing the words in an e-mail from our social worker left my heart in a ball in the pit of my stomach.  Stop looking, stop evaluating, just pick us already!  I know the baby its self is still quite a ways off, but let’s start planning for it together.  Let’s call this a “match” already!

And then I think back to all the steps we’ve already taken.  The paperwork, processes, and emotional milestones. The advertising that has put everything we have to offer out there to the world.  Someone has noticed!  I can’t forget to hold on to that.  Regardless of what happens next, she did notice us, and someone else will too.

So we keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.  We continue to talk with this expectant mom, but we also continue to polish our profile.  We answer her questions and learn more about her.  We post new pictures to our website and let the agency do its thing.  And above all, we pray.  Because in the end that’s all there is left to do.  With so much you can’t change or control, there comes a point when you run out of things to “do”.  So you put your faith in the process, and pray that one day the right baby, your baby, will find you.  Maybe this woman is our future Birthmom, maybe she’s someone else’s, or maybe she’s a future parent herself.  I can’t forget that our baby is out there somewhere, and eventually she or he will find its way into our arms.


I Thought I Was Done With Dating!

You meet someone, you hit it off, you exchange contact info.  One of you reaches out, you exchange phone calls and e-mails.  Excitement! Will he call today?  Why hasn’t he answered my last message? Very quickly excitement turns to insecurity.  A response!  Excitement!  But now no response again.  It’s been three days.  When he said that one thing, what exactly did he mean? I thought he meant this, but he could have been saying that.  Insecurities.  The phone rings.  Excitement!

We’re all too familiar with this roller coaster.  Dating is exhilarating, but it’s also exhausting.  And it’s packed with emotional turmoil.  And it’s supposed to be in my past.  Marriage has its own challenges, and is an emotional roller coaster of its own at times.  But at the very least it’s supposed to mean you are done with dating.  How was I to know that I would have to “date” the mother of my future child?

We’ve begun conversations with the pregnant woman who showed interest in us a few months back.  She still hasn’t decided on a final plan, and we are by no means “matched” at this point.  But she wanted to get to know us better, so we’ve been e-mailing, have chatted on the phone with both her and her boyfriend, and have offered to drive out and meet in person when she’s ready.

Suddenly I’m dating again.  It feels exactly the same.  It’s been three days, why hasn’t she responded to my e-mail?  My text when unanswered, did I say something wrong? Did she find something she doesn’t like about us, has she decided we’re not the right couple for her baby? Will this work, or is it all too good to be true? I can’t know what’s going through her mind right now, and the decision she’s facing is intense and life altering to say the least.  And so I patiently wait, in a pool of immense insecurities, for the phone to ring, an e-mail to arrive in my inbox, or the silence to turn into the end of this new relationship.