When we handed in our outreach material to the agency they warned us. “You won’t hear much from us for a while. But feel free to check in around 3 months from now to see how things are going.” Well last week was 2 and 1/2 months. That’s close enough to 3, right? So I reached out.
Now 2 and 1/2 months is a long time to go with no information. We had no idea if anyone had seen any of the outreach material, the fliers and the websites, that we’d worked so hard to create. But with one phone call I found out that in the first 6 weeks that we were “live” our flier was shown to 3 perspective birthmoms, 117 people have viewed our webpage with the agency, and those visitors have stayed on our site for an average of 3 minutes. The numbers don’t mean much without a basis of comparison, but from what I’ve gathered they’re on the higher end of normal.
Knowing is only half the battle, right? It’s what you do with that knowledge that’s important. How does it change things to know that people are looking at our materials? On the one hand, we should be reassured. Folks are interested in what we’re putting out there. Prospective birthparents are intrigued to learn more about us. However I can’t fight the nagging thought. Why are they reading our materials, but not picking us?
So in the end, does it actually help to know the numbers? Or does it only serve to drive me further into a frenzy of obsession? The more evidence you give me, the further I analyze, and the more twisted my logic becomes. All I know is that, unhealthy as it may be, I cannot turn away. I check the stats on our individually created website daily, looking for hidden reassurance between the numbers. Regardless of their value my mind may find peace, or at other times sadness. And then tomorrow I’ll do it all again.